Physical boundaries help maintain order, efficiency, and safety. Traffic lanes allow high volumes of cars to move at high speeds without crashing. Fences keep people from wandering into dangerous construction zones. Those ropes in airport security lines help lots of people queue up in an orderly, single-file line.

Setting boundaries helps us spend our time and energy in the ways we want to and in ways that align with our values, explains Matthew S. Mutchler, PhD, a licensed ily practice therapist and acting academic director of graduate counseling psychology at Delaware Valley University in Doylestown, Pennsylvania.

“We only have so much energy. If we are giving too much to a person or our work, or other things in our lives, we will run out and have nothing left for ourselves to be healthy and well,” Dr. Mutchler says.

It’s important to point out that setting boundaries for yourself – either at work, in your personal relationships, or elsewhere – isn’t selfish or something to feel guilty about, Mutchler adds. Setting boundaries helps you show up, at work, school, for your family, and friends, at your best.

What It Means to Set Boundaries, According to Psychologists

The American Psychological Association defines boundaries as the psychological demarcations that protect the integrity of an individual or group, or that help someone (or a group) set realistic limits on participation in a relationship or activity.

“Boundaries are about our own behavior, choices, and limits,” explains Rachel Wright, a New York City–based licensed ily therapist who runs a telehealth mental health practice specializing in sex and relationships.

We need to be proactive in setting our own boundaries, she adds. “They’re about us, and what we are willing to engage in or tolerate,” she says.

Continue reading “All About Boundary Setting: Why Do It and How to Get Better at It”